Skip to main content

like a candle

There’s no question that we learn something after experiencing pain. My breakup was like that in that it forced me to examine all my sacred cows; the things that couldn’t possibly apply to me. Then, after a while the wound becomes cauterized leaving some tougher skin behind and your standards for yourself change. You recast your thinking in a way that favors what you will and will not tolerate for yourself. You also never want to hurt someone else again.

There is no handbook for relationships just as there isn’t one for rearing children. You muddle your way through in the dark trying to do your best not to make a critical mistake and hope that the model you witnessed in your own parents helps you avoid the inherent pitfalls of life.

I have remade everything and have concluded that the road for a trans person is perhaps best walked on one’s own; unless of course a precious gift falls naturally into your lap without you looking. Identity is not something one can negotiate away because it is such an intrinsic part of the wiring; you couldn’t do it even if you wanted to. It is best to know yourself inside out before attempting to be with another and this is what I tell my children. I recommend they settle for a best friend who understands and appreciates them while recognizing that we are all imperfect creatures who will err on a constant basis. That person should also recognize that we are all self-contained beings who can become stifled in an environment of mistrust.

There should be a course given on how to choose something so important and yet we sometimes base ourselves on little more than chemistry that can be spent like a candle.

Image result for candle

Comments

  1. Yeah... I feel as if I've been down that road myself. Myself, I had a stroke when I was 39. (I am 55 now) However, I was heartened when you said that you don't want to hurt anyone any more. But that's not easy. It's damn hard. When I was 17, it seems so easy. However, I felt like I was in a constant battle with my psyche, that I would be letting my dear friends down.

    My aunt Cece had her suspicions; to her everlasting credit, she didn't really care. But still, I was deathly afraid. I left the faith (I was/am a Baha'i). Only recently, I joined again.

    The only 'suggestion' (for lack of a better term) I would make to you is not to get yourself too wrapped up in yourself. If there's an LGBT house nearby, please volunteer. You meet the world that way.

    Take care.

    Emily Shorette

    https://emilysvirtualrocket.blogspot.com

    https://longstrangejourney.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good advice Emily but I am not looking for anything other than being myself and being happy. I will leave that to my children who have yet to really begin to live 😀

      Delete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …