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With all due respect to those of you who identify as crossdreamers, one thing is for a partner to intellectually understand that there is a female inside of you, but quite another to viscerally witness it in all its glory as we present as females.

Hence, after pondering on this problem for quite some time, I feel that for those of you who seek companionship there is no better solution than to be partnered to someone who leans both ways sexually. This way, regardless of a transition or not, your life partner just sees a person and not a gender. By the way, this situation is improving with the millenials who are more apt to be more tolerant and inclusive.

But it is hardly the fault of heterosexual women that they are attracted to men, so this is not an issue of blame and most who stay with transitioning partners adapt to something that isn't exactly desirable to them. In other words, they learn to live with it. Even spouses of crossdressers are hardly overjoyed at the prospect of their husband in a dress and heels and who can blame them.

Male to female transgender persons are unfortunately most often mispaired with straight women which is not to say that your marriage can't be good. However, there will always be a more unhappy partner who either doesn't get to be who they fully are or conversely are a tolerating wife who must adjust or leave.

I am continually befuddled by transgender people who expect a wife who is surprised mid-marriage and expected to get with the program. This is completely unrealistic as well as foolhardy. Crossdressers can perhaps make it work but those more advanced on the scale such as myself have no right to such expectations.

I can honestly say that I did my utmost to balance things but in retrospect I realize my life had become far to schizophrenic to work with partners who wanted little to do with my trans identity. The way I live now I can at least spare someone else my transsexualism while being able to live the way I need to.

Unfortunately, nothing in this life is perfect and we must often choose one thing over another.

Helen Boyd and her transgender wife


  1. I've been rather fortunate that my partner was aware before we even started dating, though I only knew that after I told her on the second date. A mutual friend had told her as part of setting us up. So she's an uncommon gem that is definitely heterosexual, but really appreciates the feminine side of me and often enables it, which is how I ended up with a beautiful Kate Spade dress.

    Nevertheless, she is hetero and wouldn't be interested if I was to go beyond dressing. I wouldn't expect her to, that's an awful lot to ask of someone, but I know she would support me as a friend in that event.

    1. You are indeed fortunate then Joanne in that you get to be who you are and she appreciates you for it. You could not ask for better...a gem indeed


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