I survived those early years by concentrating all my energy on my art and my music. It is what allowed me to focus my attention away from my gender issues. I did that for many years until I could do it no longer and hiding wasn't an option anymore.

We all have distractions and many work for a long while. Some transsexuals go through hyper masculine phases to avoid staring straight into their feminine natures. It is another way to avoid the truth.

I am well past the avoidance phase of my life and now look straight into the mirror and know who I see and it has given me great confidence. I don't think we help ourselves through avoidance because part of who we are must be hidden away even from ourselves. That requires great energy and it is painful.

I could have done this sooner but I suppose I wasn't ready and now every year sees a new discovery about myself I dared not have explored because of fear of who I might be.


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