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find out who you are first

We need to make a choice in this life: Do we take the conventional path but then remain only partly happy or do we go closer to authenticity and risk alienating “normal” people? This has been our challenge as transgender people for time immemorial.

For a large part of my life I chose the former and, although I have two wonderful kids, compromising didn’t do me any massive favors. Today I have chosen the latter option and, while nothing is perfect, the way I live today more closely reflects my needs as a transgender person.

I know of many couples whose marriages have either not worked or are on basic life support and where neither partner is happy; and these are people where neither partner is trans. Add to that the fact you are the source of your own contentment and you come the realization that squeezing into society like a sardine is hardly an attractive alternative. Better to be happy by standing out than bowing your head and always wondering what if.

There is no great honor in being accompanied by someone who thinks your being transgender is akin to an abomination to be tolerated instead of celebrated. I have reflected on this at great length and now know it to be true. You are doing them as well as yourself a disservice by not being who you are.

You may be one of those people who can make things work and I tip my hat to you but if you aren’t sure, find out who are first before committing to someone else.

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