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unification

This is a subject I am reflecting on more frequently now.

I think I have some decisions to make over the next few years, but nothing is so pressing that it will not benefit from further reflection. Over the last number of years, I have exorcised all my demons pertaining to my being trans and what is left is to ascertain how I want to live from here on in.

It is true that living in two distinct gender camps doesn’t feel quite right and I think I could benefit from a blending myself into one entity. I am not a crossdresser and never have been, and I am not sure I see the value in having two sets of clothes with which to present differently depending on who I am seeing that day. The voyage of self-discovery carries us along and we change both in mindset and in daily practice and I am no longer the person I was even 3 short years ago.

That unification process will still require some time to complete with one obvious advantage being the removal of the sometimes-schizophrenic nature of having feet in both camps. I want to streamline and simplify things and being Joanna full time might just do that for me. However, there is still the matter of finishing my full-time career and beginning a new one which will help segue me into that process. I had never anticipated ever being at this junction in my life, but such is the wonder of our existence and our ability to change and to grow into new beings.

A big part of my hesitation was fear regarding the reaction of my extended family and being partnered with someone else. With the latter no longer a reality and the former becoming less of a concern, it will make the decision process that much less complicated.


Comments

  1. Dear Joanna,

    I found the shifting from one gender to the other and back again, being vigilant, remembering who knows and who does not, switching clothes in restrooms, make-up being applied in the car on the fly, to be tremendously anxiety producing.

    I was at a PFLAG meeting one night sharing my anxiety, when one of the attendees, Joan, who refers to herself as an "old transsexual", looked at me and said, "Oh Marcia, things will be so much easier when you pick a gender and stick with it." That's what I did. I have never been happier or felt so whole-complete.

    I am cheering you on from the sidelines and will support you whatever you decide to do!

    Marcia

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    Replies
    1. I know that you will Marcia thank you!! šŸ˜€

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