I think I have some decisions to make over the next few years, but nothing is so pressing that it will not benefit from further reflection. Over the last number of years, I have exorcised all my demons pertaining to my being trans and what is left is to ascertain how I want to live from here on in.
It is true that living in two distinct gender camps doesn’t feel quite right and I think I could benefit from a blending myself into one entity. I am not a crossdresser and never have been, and I am not sure I see the value in having two sets of clothes with which to present differently depending on who I am seeing that day. The voyage of self-discovery carries us along and we change both in mindset and in daily practice and I am no longer the person I was even 3 short years ago.
That unification process will still require some time to complete with one obvious advantage being the removal of the sometimes-schizophrenic nature of having feet in both camps. I want to streamline and simplify things and being Joanna full time might just do that for me. However, there is still the matter of finishing my full-time career and beginning a new one which will help segue me into that process. I had never anticipated ever being at this junction in my life, but such is the wonder of our existence and our ability to change and to grow into new beings.
A big part of my hesitation was fear regarding the reaction of my extended family and being partnered with someone else. With the latter no longer a reality and the former becoming less of a concern, it will make the decision process that much less complicated.