Skip to main content

one more visit

On July 3rd at 9 15 AM I go back to see the endocrinologist Dr Morris but I already know what I am going to say to him. It turns out that physical transition is not for me and after countless hours of reflection that is now firm.

It appears that I am just trans enough to reside on the periphery of transition but I do not see it as a matter of life and death and what I crave is liberty of expression which I now have. Hence in that sense my journey is complete. How I decide to balance my life going forward remains to be seen and perhaps social transition is not off the table but that is minor compared to my struggle to get where I am.

Dr Morris helped me to finalize my thoughts because he has so many patients all over the spectrum. Even as he called me a woman he asked me why I needed estrogen and I could not answer because the truth is that I do not feel that strong an impetus.

I used to think that my position on the spectrum was unenviable because I wasn't male enough to be satisfied with the once a month trans group meeting and not female enough to go all the way but I have come to rethink that. This is because I have learned to define myself outside the boundaries of what one is expected to do.

I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go.

Comments

  1. "I used to think that my position on the spectrum was unenviable because I wasn't male enough to be satisfied with the once a month trans group meeting and not female enough to go all the way but I have come to rethink that. This is because I have learned to define myself outside the boundaries of what one is expected to do. [ ] I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go."

    I'm not a religious person by any conceivable stretch of the imagination, but *those lines* cause a choir to rejoice, "Hallelujah!" in my head. :)

    And I don't know that you're position isn't even *enviable* in its own way. I mean, it is not imperative for you to endure the treatment, the upkeep, the surgery, the convalescence. It was absolutely imperative for me, and while I am happy and have no regrets, it does cross my mind once in a while, especially as I meet more and more openly non-binary people, whether - assuming society becomes as accepting as I am - the paradigm might flip. Not that *I* would do anything differently, cuz, well, I'm still me, but I could see people thinking, "It must be easier for those who feel no imperative to alter their bodies. If I had to be trans, I'd want to be that way."

    One never knows, I suppose. Anyway, good for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Blogistan is rejoicing dear Joanna! Then again, perhaps you would have defied the odds and kept blogging long after physical transition.
    We now have another good topic for conversation. See you very soon Hon! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. "I came to realize once and for all that my path is my own and whatever works for me is the right way to go."

    Finally! 😩

    ReplyDelete

Post a comment

Popular posts from this blog

my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...