the diet and binge cycle

The reason I like Anne Vitale's descriptor “gender expression deprivation anxiety” so much to explain gender dysphoria, is because it so accurately labels what it feels like. There is an anxiousness borne out of repression which is constantly there, whether in the background or acutely in the foreground, which cannot be easily dismissed.

When you are young and find yourself denying and then sporadically obliging an expression which bucks against society, it can seem to take the form of a diet and binge cycle and it is only when you understand that you are being true to your nature that things make sense. But until that happens you might be tempted to think you are crazy. The mystery is unraveled once you accept that the gender expression you feel comfortable with is intrinsic rather than a vice. The extent to which we are successful in removing culpability depends on how much of the message you have swallowed. For some it can take decades while for others it can be easy to disregard.

We are all different.

Things align when we accept ourselves and realize we were like the salmon swimming upstream all along and, if we are fortunate, finally relax into an existence that respects the person we are so we can really live.

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how times change

How times have changed.

Whereas transition was something not to even contemplate for us, here is a young trans person who felt the opposite pressure. She looks and sounds extremely passable but decided it wasn't for her despite the social media presence of young transitioners potentially inspiring her to.

We are all different and I happen to think she's rather a smart cookie as well...

my last post

This will be my last post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are very …

feeling sexy

Here are the results of a recent survey of genetic women:

“A new hairdo, walking in heels and a glowing tan are among the things that make a woman feel sexy. Freshly applied lipstick, newly-shaved legs and a little black dress also have a positive effect on the psyche”

Are you surprised? I’m not because it is exactly the same list that makes transgender women feel sexy.

For a long time the idea was pandered about that transsexualism was rooted exclusively in aberrant sexuality. But of course you cannot separate the sexuality from the individual because that forms part of their overall makeup and the fact that genetic and transsexual women overlap here surprises no one.

We should also add here that women aren't always thinking about sex and neither are transgender women.

Pre transition transsexuals would not readily admit they found these things sexy because they were afraid to be seen as perverted men in front of gatekeepers who understood nothing about their condition.

Today we kn…

Musings from my everyday life...

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