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Life isn't easy for any of us and we all deal with challenges that test our mettle on a daily basis. Illness, job loss, the death of a spouse or a child are but a few examples of the things that impact us dramatically and prevent us from attaining and holding on to serenity of mind and spirit.

Some of us seem to get away with less suffering but that is often optics which misleads us. We do not know what a person feels inside and what kind of challenges they have yet to face in their life. The nature of our existence demands that we not escape suffering but we grow with every misstep and hopefully the scars leave a tougher and more philosophical soul behind.

The great thinkers have pondered on the nature of our existence and meaning of living limited lives filled with extreme joys and sorrows both intermingled in a way we cannot control.

Christianity teaches us that suffering has meaning because there is a reward coming after and I have tried to hold on to some semblance of the faith I had as a child which is now somewhat tinged by cynicism of the worst aspects of human nature and a mind educated in science. What I hold onto is the certainty that the more humankind thinks they have grasped something the less likely it is true and our limited vision of something so vast only hints at an explanation.

I told my son recently that if he must abandon some aspect of knowledge to espouse other beliefs which contradict it then they cannot be very sound.

For faith cannot exist without reason.


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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …


While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...

love of self

If you feel you are doing something wrong it shows. Your demeanor, body language and facial expression all conspire to betray you.

You are a clandestine "man in a dress"; you know it and everyone else can too. Your cover has been blown. I've been there and it's frustrating. The source goes back to your self image and the notion that you are somehow a freak of nature; and perhaps you are but what of it? the only way out is to embrace yourself fully and unconditionally. I don't mean to suggest that you are perfect but just that you were created this way and you need not seek forgiveness for it. You are a creation of God.

Misinterpreted religion is a big culprit in all this. These negative images of yourself came from reinforcement of stereotypes by ignorant people interpreting what is right and moral by their own barometer. You simply ingested the message and bought it as the gospel truth. Self confidence and critical thinking is the way out of your dilemma. It can…