Skip to main content


Life isn't easy for any of us and we all deal with challenges that test our mettle on a daily basis. Illness, job loss, the death of a spouse or a child are but a few examples of the things that impact us dramatically and prevent us from attaining and holding on to serenity of mind and spirit.

Some of us seem to get away with less suffering but that is often optics which misleads us. We do not know what a person feels inside and what kind of challenges they have yet to face in their life. The nature of our existence demands that we not escape suffering but we grow with every misstep and hopefully the scars leave a tougher and more philosophical soul behind.

The great thinkers have pondered on the nature of our existence and meaning of living limited lives filled with extreme joys and sorrows both intermingled in a way we cannot control.

Christianity teaches us that suffering has meaning because there is a reward coming after and I have tried to hold on to some semblance of the faith I had as a child which is now somewhat tinged by cynicism of the worst aspects of human nature and a mind educated in science. What I hold onto is the certainty that the more humankind thinks they have grasped something the less likely it is true and our limited vision of something so vast only hints at an explanation.

I told my son recently that if he must abandon some aspect of knowledge to espouse other beliefs which contradict it then they cannot be very sound.

For faith cannot exist without reason.


Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We

Never Say Never....

 I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am. It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not abl