Those of us who were born genetically male were taught to suppress natural feminine impulses that we later tried to reincorporate into our lives so we could be whole. The problem then became making the distinction between the taught masculine and that innate feminine we displayed at at such a young age.
My aunt remembers me as a toddler in a dress being deliriously happy as I danced for her and my grandmother. How did this translate to the person i was taught to become later on and how did the person I started as, how did she get lost for so long?
Trans kids left alone know what to do. It is the public shaming that destroys us for years if not decades to come.
I am able to effortlessly channel that woman today but I still sometimes still need to fight against the indoctrination I received. It was that pervasive. Letting go of the need to channel the masculine takes effort because it is still the praised favorite of society. For many, to be feminine is to be ineffectual and weak even in this day and age which is a shame.
I even believed it myself for decades at the price of my own happiness except I finally learned to wipe that thinking away.