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trans groups

I know for certain that some of you will disagree vehemently with me on this, but I personally cannot see the great value in transgender groups. For one thing, I am not really a group type person and much prefer one on one and, for another, I think that finding friendship solely on the basis of being trans isn't quite enough for me.

I prefer blending into the cis world but would of course dearly love to have local trans friends as well. The problem is that, besides Halle, there is no one close enough to me geographically who fits that bill. For the record I know she and I would be friends even if we weren't both trans.

My history with meeting trans people over the years here in Montreal is dotted with mostly misses which included having coffee with a married part time dominatrix and a dinner with a self-described T-girl who I had absolutely nothing in common with in large part due to our being on different points of the gender spectrum. In the end, I simply stopped looking for any kindred spirits close to home.

I have however had great success online and count many of you who comment here as part of a wonderful support structure and have even met some of you face to face. So while I won't be joining or attending any trans related functions anytime soon, I am so happy this blog opened up so many doors on the friendship front.


  1. Actually, Joanna, I agree with you completely about the trans groups. For some, I think they fill a needed social connection and that's fine of course. Like you I prefer to socialize with cis women and although all know/recognize that I'm trans I wish to build our friendships on other things.

    I'd love to talk with you over coffee or whatever but unless you find yourself in Seattle it's unlikely I'll be visiting Montreal! Never say never, but...

    1. Never say never Emma because I just mind wind up on your doorstep one day...

  2. I tend to agree. I tried to get involved with Xpressions in Toronto at one point, but it wasn't really for me. They do a great job, I think, in helping people get more comfortable with themselves and letting people know that they're not alone, but in the end I think we all need something more than our gender expression as a point of commonality.

  3. Oh, most definitely Joanna. Although being trans was what drew us together, and we chat quite a bit about that when we are together, we will explore some other common interests as we carry on - when you write that duet for woodwind and piano, come over and we shall have some fun!
    I feel fortunate that I was much too far from civilization to be part of any trans groups. Perhaps it is time to put something on the old blog about that. Hmmm... See what you have done!! ;- )

  4. I don't end up having good experiences in "trans groups." I've tried the support groups of the local LGBTQ+ centers of the places I've lived. I've tried MeetUps. I've tried other events. We're a very small population compared to the world at large, but we're no less diverse. All cultures, all creeds, all races. And . . . everyone from the regular Joanna to the foolish to the addict to the evil. Being such a small population, the likelihood that the foolish and evil will show up is stronger, I think. We're just bound to run into them. It's rare to find "support" at a "support group," as there's so much competition to conform to the rules about being trans (of which there are none) established by whoever appointed themselves the leaders of the groups.

    I still go occasionally. Mostly to throw a wrench into that dynamic. See if I can save a newer person from its pitfalls, and just be a friend.

    I don't necessarily want to "blend into the cis world." (It's not their world. There's just more of them.) I want to be able to go anywhere, and just be me, without fear that someone feels so threatened by me, they wanna stomp me out - and that exists in both the cis and the trans worlds. I tend to find that just having a good group of friends around me, cis and trans alike, who know me and get me, is best. At the moment, I have wonderful friends, both inside and outside my profession, to whom I'm out, and I can integrate all these people at one dinner party if I feel so inclined. I like it like that. :)

    1. Yes that sounds terrific Caryn to just be able to surround yourself with the right people whether trans or not and just be you. Cant ask for better 😉


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