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coffee with Leila

Leila and I are going out for coffee soon.

She works at the market bakery I frequent on early Saturday mornings and over time we managed to hit it off. We are close in age and she is a lovely and happy person who is always kind to everyone she serves.

Leila lives alone in an apartment very close to where she works and her schedule is as open as mine is. She is another piece of the puzzle in slowly building my life as Joanna.

I have no plans to come out to Leila but will do what I have done with other women I know, although if the circumstances are right perhaps I will. For now I will just enjoy her company, compare life notes and perhaps even laugh a little.


  1. Interesting post. I'm wondering what I'd do if I passed more seamlessly. I think I'd come out to her at our first coffee date. Sure, there's a risk that she may find that off-putting and end our nascent friendship. But that's her problem and if I didn't come out to her my problem (which would bug me as our friendship deepened) would be increasing apprehension about the increasing possibility of her figuring it out by herself, the loss I'd feel if that ended our friendship, and the guilt I'd feel if she felt I'd been deceiving her.

    I've transitioned as much as one can. I've worked on my voice, I wear nice, situation-appropriate clothes and accessories, and I confidently present as the woman I am. I suppose I could invest more time in make-up and other things to better pass but that wouldn't be true to myself. Like it or not and regardless of how well I pass I will always be trans.

    My 2c! Everyone's mileage will vary... :-)

    1. yes we will always be trans and its not about passing but I have found that my ability to do so has given me more leeway I deciding whether it is warranted. I don't first meet people and then say "Oh by the way I am trans". If they don't ask I don't tell. She may even suspect and ask me one day who knows but I do not feel I am deceiving here because I have not said anything about my sex to her I am just presenting and behaving as a woman. This is always a sticky subject for us and there are no easy answers which is why I will navigate things one day at a time and see....:)


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