Skip to main content

coffee with Leila

Leila and I are going out for coffee soon.

She works at the market bakery I frequent on early Saturday mornings and over time we managed to hit it off. We are close in age and she is a lovely and happy person who is always kind to everyone she serves.

Leila lives alone in an apartment very close to where she works and her schedule is as open as mine is. She is another piece of the puzzle in slowly building my life as Joanna.

I have no plans to come out to Leila but will do what I have done with other women I know, although if the circumstances are right perhaps I will. For now I will just enjoy her company, compare life notes and perhaps even laugh a little.

Comments

  1. Interesting post. I'm wondering what I'd do if I passed more seamlessly. I think I'd come out to her at our first coffee date. Sure, there's a risk that she may find that off-putting and end our nascent friendship. But that's her problem and if I didn't come out to her my problem (which would bug me as our friendship deepened) would be increasing apprehension about the increasing possibility of her figuring it out by herself, the loss I'd feel if that ended our friendship, and the guilt I'd feel if she felt I'd been deceiving her.

    I've transitioned as much as one can. I've worked on my voice, I wear nice, situation-appropriate clothes and accessories, and I confidently present as the woman I am. I suppose I could invest more time in make-up and other things to better pass but that wouldn't be true to myself. Like it or not and regardless of how well I pass I will always be trans.

    My 2c! Everyone's mileage will vary... :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yes we will always be trans and its not about passing but I have found that my ability to do so has given me more leeway I deciding whether it is warranted. I don't first meet people and then say "Oh by the way I am trans". If they don't ask I don't tell. She may even suspect and ask me one day who knows but I do not feel I am deceiving here because I have not said anything about my sex to her I am just presenting and behaving as a woman. This is always a sticky subject for us and there are no easy answers which is why I will navigate things one day at a time and see....:)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men. Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting. If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself: "About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies. The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was t

Never Say Never....

 I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am. It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society. The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not abl

my last post

This will be my last blog post. When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion. With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in. Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We