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All signs of fake overt masculinity are completely gone. There is no more pretense required and even in office drab I behave the same way as Joanna does minus a few mannerisms I hold back on and of course the voice and clothing.

It has felt very liberating over the years to cleanse my system and begin to unify myself into one person. Before it had felt more distinctly like two personages with different behavioral traits. My cover had been honed to an art form to make sure the female inside was never discovered.

This is the root of my content these days with Joanna flexing her muscles like never before and speaking to everyone while feeling whole.

I now know that a life as a woman would be comfortable and even desirable but there are many details to work through and I won't skip any steps or cut any corners. If something about all this affects my children adversely I will adjust my course because they are more important than I am.

When dealing with something this dramatic I will take my time to decide.

What helps me is that the desire to enter into any more relationships has been mercifully scrubbed from my system which removes a lot of pressure and allows me to focus on what is right for me.




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No, I don't mind

When Halle and I last got together the woman serving us said:

"I can't wait to get home and take off my bra you know what I mean ladies?"

Arguably the statement wasn't the most elegant thing to say to perfect strangers but it made me reflect.

The thing is I don't mind wearing a bra because it is one more reminder that I am trans. Feeling my breast forms pressed up against my skin and cupped within the confines of my bra makes me comfortable and is another piece which contributes towards soothing my gender dysphoria.

There are days when the combination of the feel of my bra and forms, the pull of my dangly earrings and the feel of my feet in heels is a powerful combination which feeds my soul. I used to think this was me fooling myself until I finally admitted that my identity is being affirmed through these accoutrements. They are like badges that allow me to be addressed and treated in the manner I want; like a woman.

The gender identity of cis people is fed in …