Shedding that second skin which covers us with bias and self-disillusionment was what did it for me. I needed to remove all the trappings and start from scratch by reflecting on what worked instead of what conventional wisdom told me to do.
Here society is not going to give you good advice because it ostensibly functions like a flock of sheep. You need to understand this viscerally and find your own center which is where your internal peace will reside. The other thing you need to do is to stop looking for approval from those closest to you which includes life partners.
It is a shame that many of us entered unions where affection was conditional on our being “normal” but that is what happened to those of us who are older and did not transition. We tried to have one foot in the conventional world while finding pockets of connectedness to our nature where we could find them. I look back and realize now how much that didn’t work for me. For someone who borders on transsexualism that cannot work; not without almost superhuman effort.
Therefore, I think that figuring out what makes us tick must be achieved in a vacuum which excludes the outside world and, once you know what it is, you need to proceed accordingly and live your truth.