time warp

Below is my high school graduation picture taken back in 1979. I had no clue what I was going to do for a career or whether I was ever going to get married. I was painfully shy and had been immersing myself into art and music which helped take my mind off my gender issues. When things got extremely heated on the dysphoria front I would wait for an opportune time and crossdress when no one was home or very late at night when I could sneak out without anyone noticing.

I was very thin and extremely passable with very little effort required. My mother's closet had been my primary source of women's clothing since earliest memory. Over the course of my childhood I had been confused for a girl on numerous occasions.

I don't think anyone ever tried harder to fit in.

I cannot entirely put myself in the skin of that nervous young person anymore and wouldn't go back to those years; not without the mind I possess today.

I might be tempted to go back to tell her that everything was going to be all right eventually and to not worry so much. But then that insecurity and suffering avoided wouldn't have shaped her character.


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