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why we write

I have thought about this blog going into hiatus many times before.

After all, I am a different person than the one who began writing it and over its history I have made an extensive exploration into my psyche which ended up saving my sanity. That is how serious this part of my existence was.

I began this blog when I was hurting badly; trying to come to terms with a breakup and an understanding of why my lifelong battle with gender dysphoria could not be better coped with. I needed tools and a better understanding of the science if I was going to reach true self acceptance.

The most important lesson I drew from my journey over the last seven years is that there is a great deal of effort which must go into forging our characters in this life. This is particularly true if you stand out and you cannot seem to get with the program no matter how hard you try. To a great degree I was a pleaser and thought that by following script I was doing right for myself which turned out not to be true. I am still stretching out new muscles today and learning how to use them which proves it is never too late to learn in life.

We go through our dark times because being trans is very difficult and very complicated. Blogging has helped me get through my dark times.

That is why a blog is really more of a diary that you would write even if no one were to read it.

It is primarily for you.

Comments

  1. I had written a personal journal years before, but blogging actually made a difference. Because others would read it, I had to really think about how to express what I felt. Putting it as clearly as possible into words made everything I was feeling real to me. Getting support in comments didn't hurt, of course!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I admit that the comments are nice but I would write regardless.

      One thing I do appreciate is the fact that some people have told me that my thoughts helped them with their own reflection which is my primary draw from making things public; I am helping someone else who might be struggling.

      Delete

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …