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we all have those moments sometimes

Cross gender arousal confused many of us growing up. A symptom of being trans, it was often misread for our identities being rooted in fetish. Even today there can be remnants of guilt from my education and I will occasionally ask myself what I am doing.

However, absolutely nothing will change the fact that I am trans and always have been. For years I hoped it would go away and let me live in peace but that wasn’t going to happen so I finally resolved to lead the best life I could as a trans person.

The pangs of wanting to lead a conventional life will resurface when my mood is low but that dissipates, and I quickly move back to the realization that it is far better to live in comfortable self-acceptance than not.


  1. You know, it's funny. A friend from college once came to visit me post-transition. He remarked that, of all the people he'd visited from our time in undergrad, I was the most conventional. My wide eyes and smile betrayed my disbelief.

    "What?" he asked, "You went to grad school, entered a profession, dress conservatively, make good money and spend it wisely, and have a nice place to live in. I'm not putting you down; I'm impressed. We went on a wild ride at Berkeley, and not everyone has it so together that we hung with."

    "Um, thanks? But conventional? l mean you did skip the part where.... "

    "Where you figured out who you were and did something about it? Well, sorry, but if that undermines that you're life is conventional, we need to redefine conventional. l mean, in another decade I'd be saying everything about your independence is unconventional because you're a woman. Sorry, you're basically conventional. And it's pretty cool. And in decades future, that you're trans won't be unconventional either."

    My friend was always a little ahead of the game. He was the one who told folks engaged in a battle-of-the-sexes debate in the dorms not to listen to me because, "he thinks like a woman." I think he knew he was tacitly flattering me. Upon meeting me not too many years later, my transition just made sense to him. BTW, he was in military intelligence.

    Conventional, unconventional... meh. I'm me. l like me. :)


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