I was certain that I would never post here again and yet, here I am.
It’s been several years, and life has changed me yet again. I have burrowed further into my psyche to discover more internal truths about myself all in the silence of a life lived with more periods of reflective solitude than ever before. After attempting for many years to be a problem solver for others, I needed to dig deeply to discover who I was, which should be a necessity for all people and an absolute imperative for those of us who dare rub against the grain of conventional society.
The most important thing we can do for ourselves is honor the internal voice which has driven us since childhood. That whisper which we were compelled to ignore through our initial indoctrination must be listened to again for guidance. I knew I had spent too long heeding messaging that wasn’t working for me as a trans person, and it was time to stop. For the world gleefully basks in a level ignorance and hypocrisy we are not able to identify early on in our lives especially as we distract ourselves with the busyness of youth. If we are fortunate enough, we may at some point be able to scrub away any feelings of inadequacy in failing to adhere to this false standard.
I have lost a few friends in recent years to cancers or brain hemorrhages and as I approach the end of six decades on this planet, I reflect on how important it is to live life in the humble knowledge that we are fragile entities which will be returned to dust. This does not depress me in the least, but instead compels me to enjoy the little things which life brings and to put things into proper perspective.
My life today as a trans person is more wholistic than ever and, the way I dress or present, have been woven into the everyday fabric of life. There are no more ‘’outings’’ but just a life where I honor my identity without putting a second of thought into what others think. And that to me, is worth so much more than any amount of money.