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The bridge

We are often our own worst enemies and while attending my nephew's 30th birthday party some members of my family asked why Joanna hadn't come. I had been mulling it over but in the end realized that I am not comfortable unless others are which is one of the crosses I still bear. It is why I have built a life apart from my extended family so I can begin anew.

I am my own obstacle now and need to get past trying to give them the personage that they expect; who they always thought I was.

It was encouraging of course and even the clumsy words of openness from one sibling I took in stride because I know the intent was to make me feel comfortable and welcome.

I have yet to bridge the world I'm building now with the old one but there is no urgency with which to do it.


  1. I remember wrestling with pressures to live as others expected or at least wanted me to. One reason I knew my marriage of close to forty years was over was the realization that there would be times when I would have been put under pressure to cross-dress as the guy. That wasn't something I could have handled psycho-spiritually. It wasn't that I was somehow advanced. Quite the opposite. My life had been a pretence for so long, I just couldn't manage to ever live that way again.
    Thank you for this post. You have reminded me why losing some of my family and people I called friends had to happen. Nobody's fault - just what had to be to keep me alive.

    1. Completely understand that mindset Deanna and at the end of the day it is our life to live and no one else's. I made some in roads with my family that night even if I do not expect or demand perfect comprehension from them just respect. We do not choose our family after all...


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