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The bridge

We are often our own worst enemies and while attending my nephew's 30th birthday party some members of my family asked why Joanna hadn't come. I had been mulling it over but in the end realized that I am not comfortable unless others are which is one of the crosses I still bear. It is why I have built a life apart from my extended family so I can begin anew.

I am my own obstacle now and need to get past trying to give them the personage that they expect; who they always thought I was.

It was encouraging of course and even the clumsy words of openness from one sibling I took in stride because I know the intent was to make me feel comfortable and welcome.

I have yet to bridge the world I'm building now with the old one but there is no urgency with which to do it.

Comments

  1. I remember wrestling with pressures to live as others expected or at least wanted me to. One reason I knew my marriage of close to forty years was over was the realization that there would be times when I would have been put under pressure to cross-dress as the guy. That wasn't something I could have handled psycho-spiritually. It wasn't that I was somehow advanced. Quite the opposite. My life had been a pretence for so long, I just couldn't manage to ever live that way again.
    Thank you for this post. You have reminded me why losing some of my family and people I called friends had to happen. Nobody's fault - just what had to be to keep me alive.

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    1. Completely understand that mindset Deanna and at the end of the day it is our life to live and no one else's. I made some in roads with my family that night even if I do not expect or demand perfect comprehension from them just respect. We do not choose our family after all...

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