Black and white world

My heart always goes out to the spouse of a trans person who didn’t see it coming; to those who thought they had married someone else and then are surprised midway into a coupled life. Coming from the black and white world we were schooled in, the surprise would have been like a punch to the gut. The trans person who had finally run out of road wasn’t entirely at fault and, as a fellow victim of their own rearing, they were left no elbow room to be genuine until they could put up with pretense no longer.

In that world there were few winners.

Today, millennials and younger generations are rewriting the language of gender and sexuality and even the lexicon we used doesn’t sound right to them. They go more by feel and are less encumbered by the labels that we gripped to so tightly which is why there is perhaps more room for trans people in their world.

Recently I saw a video where the hurt and conflicted look on the spouses’ face spoke volumes and as she was witnessing her former husband’s coming out as a transwoman it reminded me how complicated and sometimes devastating our lives can be.


  1. Funny, my thoughts today in the shower were just about identical!


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