All of us are wounded in some way and our path into adulthood and into our later years often strewn with traumas related to unresolved childhood issues. For example, if our parents were overcritical or only showed affection when we obeyed can leave us with hurt that then establishes self-sabotaging tendencies as we move into other relationships in life.

The truth is that we are the only person who can give us value and developing a strong sense of worth is the only way to truly find meaning and contentment. In our particular case as trans people, we may have developed coping mechanisms in childhood which taught us that coming out was going to damage or even end our relationships with family and friends and hence unknowingly lowered our sense of self worth.

We often look for approval anywhere we can get it which includes our amorous relationships and the fall into that codependency trap where our sense of well being is not necessarily improved. Hence we can be more lonely than if we were alone and content and proud of our identity which is much more fulfilling.

Unfortunately for many of us, undoing trauma can take entire lifetimes and never be resolved. But if we work on studying our patterns and find the blind spots that kept us from finding our true value, we can potentially improve our lives in ways we never thought possible.


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