No going back

There is typically a tradeoff to be made if you are trans which happens when you are in a relationship. This is most particularly true for older trans people. I haven't been with anyone for several years now and during that time it became evident that being myself was more valuable and important than trying to squeeze myself into an ill-fitting box for the sake of companionship. This transformation of mind wasn't planned but now that I have tasted what truly being me feels like there is no going back. Were I ever to meet someone again, this would not be on the negotiating table just as her identity would not be. It's not that I don't have interest, but rather I am too invested in living life in a way I did not think was even possible for me.

I used to be in a place where many of you are and with my advanced level of dysphoria (which borders on full blown transsexualism) it was often times excruciating. It is for that reason that there could be no going back.
I used to say that I wouldn't wish being trans on my worst enemy but from today's perspective I believe I no longer can or will.

Comments

  1. Dear Joanna,
    Wouldn't you love to have a wife to spend your future with ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't see relationships with the same innocence I used to but perhaps could be surprised one day...who knows. Right now I focus on being myself and being content:)

      Delete

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