Points of reference

Lord knows I am not a trans separatist and those who have read my blog long enough know that I love to push back against the Blaire Whites and "Cloudys" of this world for their snobbishness against other trans people. However I must point out that we seem to be conflating gender nonconformance with being trans. A horse and a zebra may resemble each other but they are not the same animal.

On YouTube you will find videos by someone named Heidiphox who I only mention here by name because for me they represent the archetypal married crossdresser. It's an exaggerated form of femininity which gets brought out and then packed away in a trunk until the next time. It's perfectly fine but it's just that it's not the same thing as a transitioned trans person living life in as authentic a manner as they can. In other words, April Ashley this is not.
I am seeing this conflating happen more and more within our community and the general population is even more hopelessly confused.
Having said all this I know for a fact that there are many older trans people calling themselves crossdressers who really aren't (perhaps as a form of self protection) and by now I can clearly recognize who they are.
Making this distinction is not discrimination but it does instead help those looking to find some points of reference when they see others. It's also an exercise I needed to perform before finding myself.


  1. trans is a spectrum, not an arbitrary dividing line to decide whether someone else or their choice of lifestyle is 'worthy'

    1. You misunderstand my meaning here and its not about being worthy which has no place in the discussion. It is about pointing out a difference that is real. Yes it is a spectrum but then all of humanity is a spectrum and a whole host of behaviours and preferences exist. I am trying to point out that there is a dividing line where it becomes a medical issue requiring intervention. There is no judgement being handed down as I stated in my post. Thanks for your feedback!

  2. Joanna, your post prompted me to look at some of the videos. My conclusion is that hers is more than simple gender nonconformity. I know you are not reacting to her per se, however, but rather to her idea of what it means to be a crossdresser and/or transgender. She is over the top for me too in her presentations, but nowhere near where, say, a drag queen would be in that regard. I am most uncomfortable with folks thinking we are like RuPaul, entertaining though she may be. But, we don't know anyone's heart, or their pain, and it may be that a somewhat "out there" presentation may be covering up for something inside. In any case, I know you weren't attacking anyone and were simply saying that you would like to live in peace as a woman with as much understanding as possible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Lisa

    1. Hi Lisa of course my aim is not to attack anyone but rather clarify some of the particulars regarding all forms of gender variance. Lots of people including drag queens enjoy dressing up but they will be the first to admit they aren't trans. Enjoying crossdressing doesn't automatically make anyone trans and I have tended to draw the line at the presence of dysphoria which can vary from mild to debilitating and in that latter case transition becomes mandatory. Lots of people readily identify as gender variant, gender non conforming and even bi-gender and prefer that to being called trans. I have refused medical treatment but I have had dysphoria all my life and it's no picnic although living as I do has improved my life markedly :)


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