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Showing posts from January, 2022

Snowball effect

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The main problem in America isn't left versus right politics but rather class warfare which pits massive corporate power against working class people who are increasingly unable to pay rent never mind buy a home. Here James talks about Blackstone which basically buys up properties and corners the market by setting up single family rental units which it then charges exorbitant fees for thereby maximizing profits for its shareholders. As more people fall off the grid and the power concentrates in the hands of fewer people, we start to see something akin to modern day feudalism proving that history repeats itself and only changes cosmetically.

Hall pass

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I've realized why AGP worked well for some older transsexuals. If you were born in the early to mid 20th century, the idea that you needed to transition would be a hard pill to swallow given your upbringing. Then along comes a theory that says you can't help it because you are mentally ill. Now at first glance, this appears counterintuitive except it gives you a kind of out of your guilt and shame. Today we understand very well that transsexualism is not a mental illness but if you weren't quite ready to accept it, this flawed theory gave you a type of hall pass.

Skylight

The new homeowner stared at the custom-made circular skylight and noticed it wasn’t perfectly round. The house was palatial and being featured on an architectural digest program from the UK which happened to be on when I switched on my television. My first thought was that he was being a bit of a twat in his fickleness, but also being obtuse given the fact that most people wouldn’t be able to afford the skylight; never mind the house. Even if I had the money, I would not be so inclined to opt for this level of ostentatiousness; not when so many in the world don’t know where their next meal is coming from. Later on at the completion of the home, champagne corks were popped and the millennial couple gave me the impression of nice people only possessing a tone deaf demeanor that would perhaps prohibit them seeing that their fastidiousness was misplaced. I am more than ever amused by how that choice of tile color or type of wallpaper can become overblown perhaps as distraction from the o

Driver seat

I love the idea of turning the tables. Whereas before in my life I was concerned with being accepted, I have now gained the upper hand in deciding who I will accept into it . It is a very empowering feeling because it puts you in the driver seat in not needing to negotiate away any part of yourself. If you had to work your way back from as far as I did, you will understand why for me it is a monumental achievement. I am more than ever a self contained individual who need not be apologetic for any aspect their identity. I was already there except that I'm now fine tuning the psychology towards eliminating anger and frustration with feeling in any way subjugated by the world simply for being trans. That work starts and stops with us because not everyone in the world will change; however we can change ourselves.

A change

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It was time for a change and I am so happy with both the hairstyle and the colour. I also love the practicality of this length. My daughter gave me a big thumbs up :)

Truth to power

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Value

On a really good day this blog will hit 900 views but that isn't a metric I look for. What most gives me pleasure is feedback from those who are finding what I have to say useful in some way. That helping of one person by their relating with my thought process or experience we shared in common makes all the difference to me. The blog has definitely morphed over the years to be more reflective of who I am and less about trans related angst, but I would like to think those who read my words are equally fascinated by life in general with its many intricacies. What drives my energy today is a sense of social justice and I fight the combination of mean and stupid so prevalent in our world with indignant intellectual superiority which I love to have challenged when I deserve to take my licks (which is often); something my children are more than happy to help me with.

Authentic

We can talk about authenticity on numerous fronts. Something can be authentically Italian or we can own an authentic gold bracelet but even those claims can be put into question. Gold can have trace elements of alloys and something made in Italy could be produced with raw materials from China by a German-born factory worker. The claim of authenticity suddenly means a little less when we look just below the surface. When we talk about human beings the claim of authenticity has to do more with adhering to one's personal truth. Here also what makes you authentically male, female or coming from a particular race means less when viewed from the outside. Your sense of identity must originate from within and disregard the tags that others may be trying to impose on you. Once you are comfortable self defining you will notice that those labels mean much less and you can then allow your own authenticity to carry you going forward. This blog began when I was 50 years of age and as I approach

Inflation

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Perfect balance

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I live in flats most of the time and this pair I regularly wear at home because they are so comfy. The perfect blend of attractive yet practical, I had bought them at Payless years ago and they languished in a closet for a while until they were rediscovered...

Self reliance

If you came out as trans in mid life as I did, you probably had to develop a fair bit of self reliance early on. After all, not being able to share such an important facet of yourself required mental energy and a certain composure to make sure you weren't discovered. As a result, I have had people rely on me but never felt entirely comfortable relying completely on anyone else. That's not something which is laudable because it prevents you from really letting them get close for fear they will reject you should they ever see the full picture. That self reliance is what got me through difficult times however and it is what largely sustains me today. As I continue to increasingly let my guard down, it will be interesting to see what transpires.

Open criminality

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Time for an update?

I'm trying to understand why some so readily identify with the term crossdresser. For me it invokes images of mid twentieth century men meeting in secret clubs while their wives wait patiently at home. In other words it's a bit of an anachronism. Women who cross the sartorial divide don't call themselves anything in particular and yet men (specifically older ones) prefer being tagged with a noun over something which is more of a verb; one is crossdressing which I would argue is even better expressed as dressing as one wishes. I know I have given the impression here that I have something against people who identify that way but I truly don't. In my exploration I needed to figure out where this group fits and I have been using the lingo that they themselves do. There isn't just one archetype here and exactly where they fit within the trans umbrella I am still trying to figure out. I might suggest however that they update their lexicon to something just a little more

Theocracy

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Barry Goldwater once said: "Mark my word, if and when these preachers get control of the party it's going to be a terrible damn problem. Frankly these people frighten me, politics, and governing demand compromise but these Christians believe that they are acting in the name of God so they can't and won't compromise. I know, I’ve tried." Well, the US is already more than flirting with theocracy (proving Goldwater was prophetic) and for all the criticism it has lain on other countries for being run by clerics, (Iran comes to mind), its own system of government has been polluted by an inability to separate church and state which should send shivers through the spines of all citizens. The Supreme court already having a 6-3 majority of conservatives, seem potentially to threaten to take the country backward. Add to that the issue of being saddled with an electoral college system which disproportionally gives weight to banana republic red states who want to go back to

Death

I haven't feared death for quite some time now and, having had my own close brush with it in my mid forties, you will often find it as a subtext in much of my writing. In recent years I have lost friends and colleagues to various cancers and a brain aneurysm which brings it even closer to the surface. As your own life begins to have less time remaining than you have spent, it is avoiding reality to ignore it. Nevertheless, there is much joy to be found in embracing your finite nature and appreciate all the more the time we are given. My own religious idealism having been burned off to adopt a more open stance, I still accept the idea that there is more to us than some carbon and a few trace elements; all the more reason to hope but not expect as the mathematician Pascal would advise us. My 23 year old asked me recently if I was afraid of dying and my quick and emphatic answer may have surprised her a little. Although there have been times I would have welcomed it as release from

Regret

It is said that we should endeavor lead lives without regret only that this sentiment is almost unavoidable. We live in the moment and decisions are made sometimes without enough forethought especially during our youth when we are less prone to reflect before leaping. We can therefore easily fall prey to looking back and feeling pangs of regret over what could have been. As primarily emotional beings, we are destined to fret about our past and our future sometimes simultaneously with equal fervor because several avenues are open to us at any given time; more often than not without the perfect knowledge of whether we chose the correct one.

Historic

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Yum

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You'd think this was Facebook with me taking a picture of my dinner but I am very proud of my chick pea stew. I am cutting down on meat not only because it's expensive but becsuse it's healthier for me and this recipe is pretty tasty with Spanish paprika, potatoes, green beans and of course chick peas. Pretty basic stick to your ribs peasant food but boy is it good. Just let it simmer on low for a couple of hours :)

Irresponsible

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Jordan Peterson annoys me no end. A psychology professor with a devoted fanboy following who now has become a leader of the intellectual wing of the right (if there can be such a thing), he uses that leverage to weigh in on every subject imaginable. He appeared recently on Joe Rogan’s podcast, who is a blockhead of the highest order, and proceeded to invariably use his usual word salad to give some the impression that he knows of what he speaks. He is not a climate scientist and knows nothing of the topic, but his arrogance in questioning and dismissing its seriousness without giving evidence for his stance is irresponsible.  That some of the denser listeners among Rogan’s huge podcast audience could think he might know something is what I find particularly reprehensible here....

Motivation

Studying this topic over the years has left me with some lingering questions regarding the nature of gender dysphoria which will no doubt remain unresolved. One thing I have concluded however, is that we cannot merely use the presence of cross gender expression as a barometer and must include the issue of motivation. To do otherwise would make anyone who indulges in any form of expression automatically trans. The man who enjoys wearing his wife's nightie to bed for sexual pleasure has no issue with his identity and neither do many other people who go further with their gender fluidity. This is why I have tended to define the trans umbrella to begin at the point where the core gender identity is put into question rather than looking purely at external presentation for guidance. The problem is that many of us are often confused by our own motivations until the introspection is properly conducted which necessitates first removing the psychological obstacles of guilt and shame. Until

As far as you allow it

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I suspect that most people don’t expend nearly the kind of energy that trans people do worrying about what others see. I could make light of it and call it an occupational hazard if it weren’t quite so stressful and frightening. Over time, most of us burn that off but that often depends on how many years of experience you have out in the world. For example, there are older trans people who still live vicariously by taking late night drives or pumping gas as their own versions of pushing the envelope. Some have never the left their homes for countless possible reasons I would not be able to elaborate here. We have all been there at some point. What is interesting is that what we think people see includes the treacherous inner dialogue which is peppered with defeatism, and which threatens to derail our composure. If it were so easy to dispense with it wouldn’t take many of us years especially if you suppressed for more than you care to admit. All I can say is that at some point your fe

If one looks hard enough

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I am hoping that my upcoming semi retirement will restore me and provide renewed energy. Life is short and we need to take advantage of the good times when they come upon us. Having had a sufficiently challenging life and career thus far will hopefully give me the chance to convert the learned experience towards improving my outlook on humanity which I have lost much respect for over the years.  Witnessing how the world truly operates can bring on cynicism and my desire now is to focus on the good which can be found everywhere if we look hard enough. After so many years I can see through things as if they were made of glass which is a double edged razor. Yes, I can get to the root quickly but also see the rot that affects it which can skew me toward the negative if I'm not careful. I don't suffer fools easily but then not everyone is one and I need to be cautious with my assessments. On the whole, much of the way society works disappoints me but I need to look past its faulty

Bela

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hesitancy

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The graphic below dating back to the fall of 2021, shows that after Russia the country with the biggest percentage of vaccine hesitancy is the US at just under 20% of the population. I am not all that surprised given two key factors: Americans' traditional mistrust of government and the spread of misinformation via social media platforms. In Europe, it is the Germans who hold the distinct honor of leading the pack in that same category. This is not an easily reparable problem with the only hope remaining that future strains of COVID mutate towards increasingly milder versions. The fact that so many deaths are preventable with simply a deference to the science is what is particularly heart breaking in all this.

Complying

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One of the recurring heavy topics for trans people continues to be amorous relationships and how to make them work. This is especially problematic for anyone over 40 who was brought up with strict gender norms which are undoubtedly forged into the psyche of both the trans person and the partner alike. What you are invariably left with is walking a tightrope of tolerance where an understanding is created leaving neither party entirely satisfied; something I know too well from lived experience of both no support and the limited variety. There is no blame to be had here of course because accepting a trans partner at full face value is not for everyone and there should be no expectations beyond that. The scenario I most often see involves a meeting of the minds where the trans person gets some semblance of tolerance for a stake in remaining together. Having lived alone for some years, my personal conclusion is that being genuine to your identity supersedes tepid acceptance by another,

Arc

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We are too busy living life when we are younger to see the philosophical arc running through it. We do not yet have the experience to make an analysis of our decisions and how they affect others we make down the road. Then one day we begin to see patterns and are better able to dissect our thoughts to realize where the discernment becomes impacted by habitual flaws and lapses in judgement but also by the strength of our character. We can begin to see a storyline forming like the script of a movie. Youth is not wasted on the young but it would be nice to have more vision early on rather than rely quite so much on hindsight later.

Safe

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Being safe in a career is what I was taught growing up which seemed to extend to my life in general. Hence, I have tended to be conservative and chose a profession based on being able to make a comfortable living rather than being passionate about it. It was a different era back then where much artistic aspiration was sacrificed at the altar of pragmatism and, while it afforded me a certain safety net and raise two kids, my job did not inspire me in the way that my love of music or art did. In fact, few people of my generation and even today could say that their job was their passion. I don’t bemoan my choice, but I do like the less structured world of today being forced to examine the corporate structures we saw as an inevitable part of an ordered life. The institution as provider of what society needs proved to be less of a good choice given what we know now went on behind closed doors there. We can see now that those machinations profited the few and those lower on the totem pole

Advantage

Is sport ever really fair? Consider the comments made by Michael Phelps regarding Lia Thomas. While he was delicate in the way he talked about a level playing field the reality is that Phelps had a huge advantage over his career in the men’s field which included a larger arm span, double-jointed ankles and bigger than average lung capacity which led to 28 medals (23 of them gold). My point is that these advantages already happen naturally within men’s and women’s sports and introducing trans athletes who despite suppressing testosterone to normal female levels, are often attacked by transphobes who just want them gone altogether from society. I don’t have an unusually strong opinion on athletics, and I understand people who have put so much effort into their sport only to witness a perceived unfair advantage. My issue is more with using sport as way of encouraging discrimination in other areas. This problem didn’t come up when I was growing up because very few trans people were out a

Fatigue

Pandemic fatigue has begun to set in for me in earnest. It’s January and we can’t even sit in café because of the closing of all eating establishments likely until mid-February. Although I have thanked this pandemic for allowing me to live more authentically, it has now overstayed its welcome. I am cautiously optimistic that we might be entering endemic waters soon and be able to return to some semblance of normal by this spring. Booster shot in early Feb.

Man in the rain

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Doing with less

I can understand why some people today are finding a renewed interest in the philosophy of Stoicism. After all, there is an appealing quality to the idea of a reduced distraction with wordly things which take us away from inner peace by adopting a type of minimalism; the primary goal being to focus on things we can control and leave the rest the variability of the universe. This philosophy predates Christianity, but there was some belief in the divine intervention of Zeus as part of its structure. In one sense, today's minimalists are taking a page from this philosophy which has always existed in some form over the centuries, and I myself am finding an increasing comfort and joy in doing with less than I ever have before.

It just so happens

There is a reason I recently modified my blog title to say "...person who just happens to be trans" and it's because I have never before had such perspective on being who I am. Yes, being trans is still difficult and my existence on the cusp of transsexualiam necessitated I do more work. Had my case been mild I could have settled for sporadic cross gender expression or conversely, if it necessitated medical transition, do that and deal with the fallout. In both those scenarios there would at least be a more clear path with the latter being clearly sufficiently challenging. Today this blog is more reflective of my entire personhood than ever before and would no longer exist if my only topic were restricted to being trans.  That is how I know I am increasingly finding perspective.

Chapters

Our lives seem to be written into distinct chapters that we can look back on and identify. Perhaps we hadn't chosen when each began or ended but there were clearly defined milestones along the way which separated them. Sometimes they can feel like entirely different lives when one considers how drastic the changes which prompted a new direction were. We don't always choose to begin a new chapter but it is thrust upon us only to be able to look back on it years later and realize that the person who lived it no longer exists.

Worthwhile

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After having field tested the Flash&Go hair removal system for several years now, I can state that the purchase was definitely worth it. I have used it over many parts of my body including the face and found the results to be better than I had expected. Your mileage may vary of course and no doubt that newer models have better efficacy. When I went to the Montreal Woman's Show a few years ago I made sure to let them know how pleased I was with their product at their booth.

Finds

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I has a couple of thrift store finds yesterday: a forest green long sleeve top and a bra with the original store tag still on and never used. Both cost me $11 :)

C'est l'hiver

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 Un jour tres froid en janvier...

When one stops fighting

The last thing I want to do here is sell you the idea that my life is perfect because it's not; no one that I know has that luxury. However in comparison to many people in this world I know am very fortunate which is one of the reasons I mention social justice so often. We all have challenges and even my getting a better grip on being born trans is more related to me accepting the things I cannot change rather rejoicing at something the world is largely repelled by. It's just that it's better to get comfortable in your reality than to rail against it. Accepting myself fully involved realizing the extent of my dysphoria and by extension dispensing with the idea of a normal relationship because less time awaits me than is already behind and I certainly won't spend my quality years looking for a needle in a haystack. Instead I will rejoice in what life has to offer me within the constraints I have been given (or the cards I have been dealt if you will). When one stops f

Hoops

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I don't usually favor wearing overly big hoop earrings but every once in a while I will. Most of the time I will alternate between smaller ones, pearl studs and various pendant styles just to mix things up.

Illusions

Much of what we see around us is steeped in illusion because we don’t get to see what is inside of people; the only thing we know for sure is what is inside ourselves. I posted that amazing video by Contrapoints (yes it was long but worth it) because she deals with what we think we want and envy in others when really, we should be focusing on ourselves and what is attainable. That perfect marriage you think you see isn’t as harmonious as you imagine because being in a couple is often challenging as is having money and stressing about whether you have enough and where you need to park that Jag so it doesn’t get scratched. Looking around us is pointless unless we seek just one thing: genuine and honest people to befriend and to do as much good as we can while we are here. Most people lead challenging lives and the other day as I drove, I listened to a comedian being interviewed on the CBC who lost his wife to suicide and his father to cancer on the same year he also lost his eyesight.

Envy

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 Ah yes, the root of all evil....

The gender core

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I very much like the concept of a gender core which I remember Felix Conrad writing about a few years back. The idea is that every person has a gender core which is essentially male or female and irrespective of the fact we all possess masculine and feminine attributes, that core determines which of those two will be predominant. Regardless of your birth sex this core would determine your primary identification, albeit I will concede that for most of the population, birth sex and that gender core align relatively well; or at least well enough that there need not be significant dysphoria experienced. Those on the peripheries could, for example, fall into the gender variant or non-binary camps. When birth sex and the gender core misalign to a significant degree however, something must be done to address it lest the person experience dysphoric feelings. The degree of dysphoria would then dictate a response proportional to the disconnect. It’s an elegant idea with much merit and aligns w

Kyle has a point

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The information age

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I used to think that people were far less prone to believe in misinformation than they are. Part of this reasoning I attributed to the dearth of access in the past for the average person, but the opposite has turned out to be true. By providing more availability with the advent of the internet, we opened the door to bad faith actors (or for gullible believers) to sway others off the cliff with them. If you lack critical thinking skills and have a predetermined agenda in mind, you can be persuaded far more easily than ever before in this era of ours. I find that it is disinterest and apathy which plagues our world, and I can understand now how entire societies can collapse while people just watch helplessly; you just need enough saboteurs to drive the entire herd of cattle to the slaughter. When shows like Jimmy Kimmel make us laugh with questioning the person on the street (often with trick questions or to identify a country on a map) part of me chuckles as well but can’t help but de

Labeling

Labeling yourself is only important when it comes to determining what your own course of action should be. For example, if you are someone with very strong dysphoria and are downplaying it, then you may be denying yourself treatment options which would help you. In my own journey of self understanding I tended to deny that my dysphoria was as powerful as it was and, as a consequence, suffered more than I need have. Comparing myself against other trans people as well as investigating the literature, permitted me to finally find a personalized course of action to suit my own needs. So while you can call yourself what you like, it is important that you not overplay or underplay dysphoria such that your formula brings internal peace resulting in that being trans does not become an all consuming obsession and your response is proportional to your needs. When you find it, you'll know it.

Exceptional

The concept of exceptionalism is both false and dangerous because it breeds a hubris which then only expedites your downfall. All my life I have been hearing about the American variety only to witness my neighbors to the south increasingly unravel and begin to toy with totalitarianism. Jingoism doesn't help matters here and worshipping a flag only blinds you to your problems. I have American friends, have traveled there many times and am dumbfounded sometimes by the general failure to see the obvious. I was once in Vermont discussing with an innkeeper and realizing that I was more well versed in his own country's politics which I found astonishing at the time. His defense of Dubbya (this was the early 2000's) reminded me once again of the power of delusion and the propensity of some to believe what they want despite the facts. Adopting a pseudo religious fervor only makes things worse because suddenly you are armed with a divine power which bathes your dogma in righteousne

One of 16

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Working the crowd

We’re fairly complex beings but our motivations are decidedly simple: we want to be loved and appreciated and we want to return that in kind (when we are in good spiritual health). We are also heavily motivated by fear and when we don’t understand something we feel represents a threat, we will lash out. Unfortunately, being human means that others are unlikely to fully understand the subtleties of the signals we put out when we don’t get these things. They will see us through their own prism and read our behavior differently than we would like. The world has always worked like this and always will. I used to believe in the possibility that human societies could substantially evolve and, while I know that journey exists in individuals, as a collective we are not all that advanced. What has occurred is that the systems which were put in place to subjugate the general population have broken down (the alliance between the church and royalty of western Europe was one such example). As a r

The grifters

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Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh and Candace Owens are the stars of the Daily Wire: an extravaganza of right wing douche baggery concocted to present itself as truth telling for our turbulent times. Not content with leaving people alone who don't share their poisonous world view, their content is comprised mostly of criticizing anyone who doesn't line up with their lived experience. In other words, they represent everything I hate about conservatism and its hate filled agenda in one convenient location. Jesse Dollemore does a brilliant job here exposing their grift which will of course fall on the deaf ears of their numbskull followers and with plenty of empty heads to go around, The Daily Wire is assured to not have a shortage of audience...

Impressed

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 I'm so thoroughly impressed with her!

If you can keep it

Thomas Homer-Dixon is a Canadian political scientist whose bleak prediction regarding United States civil unrest following its recent flirting with fascist ideology among its right wing fringe, is something I agree could unfortunately happen. Here is his very chilling opinion piece with brilliant but unsurprising analysis which recently appeared in the Globe and Mail: "By 2025, American democracy could collapse, causing extreme domestic political instability, including widespread civil violence. By 2030, if not sooner, the country could be governed by a right-wing dictatorship. We mustn’t dismiss these possibilities just because they seem ludicrous or too horrible to imagine. In 2014, the suggestion that Donald Trump would become president would also have struck nearly everyone as absurd. But today we live in a world where the absurd regularly becomes real and the horrible commonplace. Leading American academics are now actively addressing the prospect of a fatal weakening of U.

Caricatures

The people I most like and admire tend to offer portraits of masculine and feminine energy that aren't the least bit exaggerated or cartoonish. Instead they are all subtle and represent the best of the Ying and Yang that all humans possess. We have read and seen much regarding toxic masculinity in the last few years, but feminine energy can itself also be transformed into the garrish and unpleasant when exaggerated which is why I don't like to see it held up as a model to follow; this whether in trans or cis people alike. In either case, these energies are best manifested on the inside rather than in how one dresses, gestures or speaks.

Conundrum

Life offers us a series of conundrums where there sometimes is no clear answer and we are left wondering what the right choice is. We are often at crossroads and we can take one path and not the other but we must decide nonetheless only to be left reflecting on whether we had been correct. As we get older we can see the clear map of footsteps we took to see where the falls, the traps and the happy surprises were and with the advantage of hindsight weigh our perceived level of success or failure. The reality is that our time is so brief here and when measured against the cosmic it is but an instant. In that knowledge we can try to take advantage of that brevity to make it count and taking the focus off our own problems and looking around us is probably a good start.

The Florentine

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UK prog from Big Big Train...RIP David Longdon

Playing it by ear

I spoke to m y daughter and she is fine with me on occasion having people over who don't know I'm trans and playing along. I have thus far avoided that scenario and with the pandemic it's been easy to not deal with it. I am not her mother but it won't harm anyone if the people I have no intention of telling aren't the wiser. I just don't want to feel constrained with these acquaintances that I've befriended over the last few years. She may not meet them but if they are over I don't want awkward surprises either. My daughter doesn't care that I am trans and will comply. Who knows who I will come out to in the future but I don't want to rock the boat just now. My friend Leticia is one such example of a not overly close friend who dates back about 10 years and have decided against coming out to as I see her once or twice a year at most. I will continue to play things by ear as I have a mixture of people who know and who do not and it is not all o

New study

A recent study concluded that early medical intervention with trans kids helps them to grow up more well adjusted and less likely to suffer from mental disorders like anxiety and depression. This result does not surprise me and as someone with lifelong gender dysphoria, I can understand how it could be helpful. Those of us who were left untreated for decades had to develop coping skills which sometimes devolved into self destructive behaviors and also typically involved large doses of denial. What is interesting about this study is that it flies in the face of those who deny treatment to trans kids who would largely benefit from it including access to puberty blockers which buy the family and the child time to explore options. The slate of bills in red states show just how much misinformation and bias are involved instead of willingness to learn and be empathetic. Those of us who found it so hard to grow up trans would have greatly appreciated the relief that access to information an

Disappointment

People will always disappoint us if we set our targets too high and don't look at the unreasonable nature of our expectations. One of the more annoying aspects of human nature is to fail to recognize our own flawed thinking and be able to detect where our childhood failed us. Hence we will transpose onto others demands which were placed on us without putting sufficient analysis into why we have them. The first rule of humanity is that we are all imperfect and tending first towards more emotional than rational behaviour thereby being more prone to err than we would like. Understanding this about ourselves will tend to produce a more forgiving outlook when we see this reality in others. Perhaps we can then put down our weapons instead of passing judgement too quickly. I am still working on this although easier said than done and I try to focus on intention of the person rather than an awkward reaction on their part.

Turning the corner

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We may have finally turned the corner and 2022 will see COVID become endemic and thereby forming part of the family of viruses we deal with like the flu. Omicron has thankfully displaced the more virulent Delta variant and with any luck maybe no masks by this summer?

Tomorrow

Live like there is no tomorrow because there may not be and in the meantime try to do good things :)

Working on yourself

Working on yourself is not a distraction from loneliness but instead its replacement. When we have done our homework on our psyche we find that we are more amenable to being with others but also equally able to find pleasure in being alone. We end up finding a balance between the two that we can adjust as required. I had to learn this lesson for myself and by removing childhood trauma over being trans, finally found a level of peace with it. The introspection was hard work but it paid off and I was finally able to come to terms with my identity which then in turn solidified my confidence. Once you are a self contained being, you find yourself less wanting while still remaining open to being surprised by life.

After Life

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After Life is about recovering from grief. Ricky Gervais has lost his wife and he can't get past the grief so he regularly visits the grave and spends most nights drinking as he views videos of his one great love. There is dark humor, a little pathos and a cast of characters who represent a slice of society; all of them with their own pain and suffering occasionally peppered with moments of joy and humor. Life isn't easy for anyone and yet there is sometimes laughter to be found in the irrationality of it all. On Netflix.

Lament

This blog isn’t about lamenting but not because I don’t have my ups and downs like everyone else. It is that I am finding more perspective over time and learning how to channel emotional energy which can often threaten to derail. If we don’t accept by a certain age that life doesn’t come in perfect packages, we have learned very little. However, if we channel our emotional discomfort, we can gain more self-knowledge than ever before. Our existence is composed of a series of compromises which are almost never in the right harmonious balance and with that understanding comes less encouragement to lament. We can try and adjust the balance point but then one of the components we treasure will become invariably unbalanced. Once a semblance of harmony is reached, we dare not tamper any further lest we feel compelled to begin the exercise again. This blog for a long time was a one trick pony and I was fatiguing myself at certain junctures which prompted a series of needed breaks. It just