To such an extent

I always commiserate more with the spouse of a trans person than the trans person themselves. This with the understanding that we are never going to change since those of us truly trans are that way from birth. I would reverse the scenario in my head which made it obvious to see how hard this is. Hence trans people who expected their spouses to go with the flow and gladly accept any kind of transition seemed utterly obtuse to me. Most of us however, understand the situation and might hope while expecting nothing.

Sporadic cross gender expression is a different animal altogether, and here I am much more hard pressed to understand why the spouse wouldn't be more understanding provided there is love present. Yes every situation is unique and depending on your place on the spectrum, the gravity of the decision to tolerate or not will be of proportional weight. Interestingly, some years ago I was surprised to learn on one of my only two endocrinologist visits (before abandoning the start of the HRT process) that more women stayed than I had envisioned in my mind. I was assured by the good doctor that my pessimism was not entirely warranted which made me realize that there was more hope in the possibility of true bonding.

This potential catch-22 scenario is of course not applicable to androphilic transsexuals like my friend Sherry who has been with the same man for quite some time now.

Still, with the less than stellar track record even between cis couples, one wonders how it is possible to beat the odds to such an extent.


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