What will suffice
My patience with the world has never been thinner but I am committed to working on it. Among my many flaws is a certain level of ire for those who don't think and I am not about to change that therefore I must work on myself. In that sense, maybe the right level of detachment is what I seek.When one has seen too much there is a tendency for cynicism to seep in but then the counter is to find solace in the small corners of the world where goodness exists. While there is perhaps an advantage in seeing humanity for what it is, the breaking of the illusion isn't the least bit therapeutic for the soul. Orthodox religion doesn't work for me the way it works for others because I must look into all the crevices before I find satisfaction. The idea that constant prayer will fix the ills of humanity are perhaps convenient and expedient for some, but I need more to quench my curiosity.
When my father was dying of cancer I read Peter Kreeft's book on making sense out of suffering in which he extolled the great equalizer of faith in an ultimate reward. At 31 years of age it was more sellable to me and even if I don't necessarily doubt it's veracity, the uncertainty must remain because faith is a primary ingredient for belief in all things unproven.
There is enough of everything in the world to allow us to choose our dogma and, if doing so ultimately makes us more stable and better people, perhaps it will need to suffice for now.