I long ago concluded that the degree of compromise a gender variant person can offer in a couple situation is tied to a sense of identity. To provide a simple analogy more applicable to orientation but effective nonetheless, asking a gay man to marry a woman is anathema to the man because this runs contrary to his identity. 

But once we are dealing more with expression then of course things are different. Someone whose cross gender expression fits well within an irregular schema can make things work because that expression is tied more to choice. It is why for example self described crossdressers (and I use the term here because they do) seem more predisposed to navigate a dichotomy which, although contradictory, is somehow able to achieve a balance no matter how awkwardly.

One meaningful and notable exception of course are those constrained by circumstances and obligations that they have little to no control over. This described me for many years.


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