No matter what
There is no perfect and even as I have a latitude that others in relationships don't have, I am also on my own. The reality is that being trans is extremely difficult and sometimes made more so by walking a tightrope between genders. Although Joanna has the lion share, I still present male to some friends and to extended family who I just can't be bothered to work on because their acceptance matters not one whit to me and isn't worth the effort.But no matter how we present, the internals don't change and we are the same person which took me the longest time to understand viscerally even as I did intellectually. We are trans before and after surgery because it is what is between the ears that counts the most.
Finding your formula can take many years of trial and error and sometimes (like with a fellow trans patient of my family doctor) the death of a spouse to create an opportunity for a transition under the most horrible of circumstances.