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Who is Joanna?

I was born in 1962; a time in our history when we didn't quite have a proper language or understanding of this difference of ours and, as a result, did my best to escape its burden. After much reading and research, I identify as a type IV on the Harry Benjamin SOS scale which is ostensibly a non-physically transitioning transsexual person. This means that occasional crossdressing doesn't work for us but then a medical transition is not as mandatory as with types V and VI. At times it can feel like walking a tightrope.

I have been gender dysphoric as long as I can remember which we know is a proven medical condition varying in intensity between trans persons.

I am a Montreal based engineer, musician, artist and amateur philosopher who embraces all facets of my personality and very realistic about my situation in life. Unless I am wearing heels, I have always had my feet firmly planted on the ground. Humor aside, I know my being a trans person is permanent and by the age of 4, I was already getting into my mother's closet and began to slowly realize that there was something different about me.

How one deals with this reality later in life can be drastically different than if one is self accepting much earlier, and my highly personal firm decision to never medically transition is based on a long and thorough thought process which has taken me several years and has weighed all aspects of my existence. That being said, I will honor my identity as a trans person in the best possible way by being proud and unapologetic about who I am. It has been a long and sometimes painful journey to get here except now I continue my life with the resolute knowledge that I have chosen a path which works for me and honors my own brand of femininity. I live part time but in three years I could very likely begin living full time; although nothing is yet certain.

One thing I do know is that I am finally home and, no matter which road you choose for yourself, be sure it is truly right for you and be proud of it.






about age 40

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my last post

This will be my last blog post.

When I wrote recently that this blog had another seven years of life in it I was trying to convince myself that it was true. It was in fact a little bit of self delusion.

With almost 3,000 posts to date I have accomplished what I set out to do which was to heal myself and in the process share some of the struggle I had been through with others on the chance they might find some value in my words. After seven years of writing, my life still isn't perfect; no one's is. But I have discovered a path forward completely free of the trappings which society would have had me adopt so I could fit in.

Over the last 25 years of my life I have turned over every stone I could find while exploring this topic and in the process realized that we haven't even begun to scratch the surface of this deeply complex subject. What I have ultimately learned is that my instincts have more value than what someone who isn't gender dysphoric writes about me. We are …

epilogue

While this blog is most definitely over, I wanted to explain that part of the reason is that it was getting in the way of writing my next book called "Notes, Essays and Short Stories from the North" which will combine philosophy, trans issues, my observations on life, some short fiction and things that have happened to me over my life and continue to (both trans related and not).

When it is complete I will post the news here and will be happy to send you a free copy upon request in either PDF or eBook format. All I ask is that you provide me with some feedback once you're done reading it.

I'm only in the early stages so it will be a while.

Be well all of you....

sample pages...
















One transgender woman's take on AGP

This entry from the transhealth website dates back to 2001 and it offers a very nice dissection of the now mostly debunked but still controversial AGP theory and how this transgender woman could care two cents about it. People who have been trying to marginalize the experience of gynephilic transwomen have pushed for the stigmatizing idea that they are actually perverted men.

Well this soul, who couldn't give a hoot either way, isn't buying any of it and her frankness at times had me chuckling to myself as I read her posting.

If we ever met I would give her a hug for seeing through the BS but mostly for being herself:

"About a year ago I was reading on Dr. Anne Lawrence’s site about a new theory of the origin of trans called “autogynephilia.” This theory asserts that many trans women—and transsexual women in particular—desire reassignment surgery because they are eroticizing the feminization of their bodies.

The first thing that struck me about it, of course, was that it …